Resolution techniques to Conflicts between loved ones

A long chat with a friend tonight about conflicts between loved ones crystallized some of my thoughts:

1. When something happened, we can only GUESS what it means or what the intention is behind. We often believe this GUESS to be true and accuse people with it. But a same act can come from very different intentions! How can we be sure which one it is? If we cannot be sure, how can we hold on to our GUESS so strongly that all explanations to the real intention cannot be heard?

> Be humble about the GUESS of people's intention based upon the surface "what happened". Shouldn't the person know better than you what his/her intention behind his/her own action is?


2. No one can upset/provoke us, we generate the feelings ourselves. When we are emotionally unstable, we should figure out why ourselves and communicate that with our loved ones, rather than expecting them to figure out the relationship between 'what they did' and 'our emotional swing'. A lot of time, this relationship is not clear to others, primarily because we GUESS wrongly their intention behind, which they have no idea of.